Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wacky Wednesday: I've Been Published in a Magazine

That's right. I was messing around and sent this joke of an article out to Burn This Magazine, and they used it! I've been published. ::does a little dance:: So, here, read this and laugh.

Boogers: To Pick or Not to Pick?
The Question That Haunts Us All

I suppose I’ll start with a confession. When my nose is itchy I scratch the inside of my nose. I can’t help it, it’s the only way to get the itch to go away. Now, my children on the other hand, they pick their noses for other reasons. My daughter uses her thumb to pick her nose, I’m not sure she does it on purpose because she’s only 10.5 months old and she is a major thumb sucker. The only time I catch her with her thumb up her nose is when she’s distracted watching tv, so my running theory for her is that she was trying to suck her thumb, missed, and was too distracted to notice she has managed to jam her thumb up her nostril.

My son, quite frankly, is a boy. And boys tend to be gross. He picks his nose solely because I don’t want him to. He giggles and sticks his finger up there and then comes looking for me to show off. Then he laughs very hard as I pull his hands away from his face and tell him to stop picking his nose. This inevitably leads to him sticking his finger right back up there and running away to keep me from stopping him. It’s quite funny, though it is rather gross. But, like I said, he is a boy and he’s not even three yet. I hope this fascination with his nose ends sometime soon.

I realize there some of you who may be totally grossed out, but I know that you all are probably closet nose pickers. I’ve decided there are about five types of people when it comes to picking noses. You’ve got the people like me who scratch from the inside, then you have people like Julianne who get (this most frequently happens while watching tv), then you have the people like William who do it just to gross people out. Next we have the people who don’t care where or when, if they want to pick they are going to. This type of person is the most likely to eat their boogers.

And finally, we have the closet nose picker. These people want to pick their noses, for whatever reason, but are so self conscious that they can’t bear to risk it. Therefore they do the very quick “up and out” pick all the while scanning the room to be sure they haven’t been seen. These people probably are more comfortable picking their noses in the car simply because anyone who might see them won’t be anywhere near them after the next red light.

So, as we can see. Just about everyone is a nose picker, or a recovering nose picker, so the next time you cat someone with their finger up their nose don’t get all judgmental. Odds are you do it too, even if it is only in your car. Remember, Jesus said to “judge not lest you be judged,” (Matthew 7:1). He must have understood people are nose pickers and that we all need to stop acting like we’re the only one in the entire world who doesn’t pick their nose. So, now instead of being grossed out, try to be compassionate. And while you are at it, try to figure out what type they fall into! This could be the most entertaining form of people watching to ever be invented!

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