I talk about trust a lot on this blog, specifically about trusting God. Perhaps the reason I write so much about it is because in the past I didn't. I trusted my self only, and to trust anyone else (even God) just seemed too unstable. Sadly, I see that I had mistakenly imagined God to be like man. But He isn't. And I'm learning that quite a bit this year.
Yesterday I had to trust Him all over again. Yesterday my 13 month old daughter woke up with a cold. And as the day progressed I saw her health deteriorate before my eyes. She was extremely cuddly, and refused to not be held which was fine because I adore the opportunity to just hold her. She ate almost nothing, less all day than she normally eats in one meal. If you've seen her eat you understand how drastic of a change this is. She is always eating. As the day progressed her mood worsened, she began to hold her head at very strange angles, and started to scream on and off like she was in pain.
In the evening she started screaming like she was in pain and wouldn't stop. She couldn't support her own weight when standing, or even sitting, and when she would try to crawl (something she hasn't done in over two months) she'd fall to the ground. Needless to say by time the evening rolled around I was deeply concerned, especially since she wouldn't make eye contact with me, and the way she was looking at things reminded me of a little girl I know with downs.
I had my mom watch my son and took her to the ER. I thought maybe part of the problem was an ear infection, which would explain the way she was holding her head. It wasn't an ear infection. Also of concern was the fact that when you forced her to straighten her head she would gag on her spit and was drooling quite a bit. This problem made driving to the hospital especially frightening for me as I knew she had to get to the hospital, but worried she'd start to choke and not stop. Thankfully we arrived with little problem.
The doctors eventually came in, asked the same questions over and over, and shook their heads. No idea what was wrong...well, that's not true. No idea that they were willing to share with me. All they would say is they thought a MRI was needed and that they thought she'd experienced some kind of trauma to the head and perhaps that's why she was acting so strangely. I told them that wasn't possible because from the moment she woke up that morning she'd been in my arms, and if I wasn't holding her it was because we were driving.
And so we were transferred to, and arrived at, Children's around midnight, still without any answers. The doctors came in and I explained what was going on and they poked and prodded. They ordered a X-ray of her throat and then a CT Scan. Truth be told I was deeply frightened. But what could I do but hold her and love her and pray for healing? And so that's what I did. Though Satan tried to steal my peace I found my comfort in quoting Scripture to my daughter from memory. She and I shared a few verses out of Isaiah, Matthew, and Hebrews. I also discovered, that dispite how badly she felt she still reacted to my singing. It was deeply encouraging to see her smile briefly as I sang How Great Thou Art to her. Indeed, the fact that she isn't repulsed by my voice is a miracle in itself!
And as we waited for the results from the tests to come back she started to improve. She stopped looking around the room the way she had and started making eye contact. Slowly she began to sit up on her own. Then, much to my surprise she got up and started to play! The tests came back clean. The doctors regrouped as they tried to figure out what it could be. By four in the morning my baby was back to normal, albeit very tired. She barely slept the entire time we were at the hospital. And since she was doing so well, we gave her some pretzels, water, and milk.
We were discharged around 4:30 with instructions to go see her pediatrician on Monday or come back if she starts to act weird again.
So, my beautiful daughter is healthy, granted overtired, and there are no concerns what so ever. I asked for a healing, and my God how He provided! Truly He is a good God. As I held her last night I asked Him to heal her, in whatever manner He chose, and trusted that He would use this to His glory. If nobody else ever realizes the work He did in her last night, I do. And I am amazed. How He loves us! And when you trust Him, wow. There aren't words to describe the comfort I knew as I trusted that He would work this out for the best.