Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you!

I'm in love with this verse. Ask me why later. Oh, and be sure to read Genesis 29. It is a great read. Keep a look out for Leah, and remember that the only person you need to love you is God. I'll expand later...

Ok, it is later. The reason I love that verse is fairly obvious. I bet you could pretty much guess it. I love Isaiah 26:3 because I long for that peace. I want to be able to just trust God and know everything will work out. Slowly I am getting to that point, but I still struggle at times.

Do you remember that game one would play as a child? Where you would stick your arms out to the side and fall back trusting your friend would catch you? Remember how nerve wrecking that could be? It is like that, only there is no reason to be scared because God never drops the ball. He's always there, always with perfect timing and gives us his full attention. He'd never forget to catch us. But still we worry.

Recording=life

Last year, I effectively scared myself by working simultaneously on two albums, Travis' and Pavement's. You can't get that much involved in two records at the same time.
Even though I didn't realize it, I was so overwhelmed by the whole recording euphoria. You have to set chill-out zones or it gets unhealthy...
But I've seen so many studio technicians getting completely washed out, unable to take on themselves in everyday life.
For instance, back home I don't have any recording device. It's important to flee, to disconnect. There is a dictatorial side in studios : "You're here to record music, and that's it".

I recently read an article that included that quote. It was an interesting read, check it out. Anyway, I feel that way. Not just about recording, but life in general. You have to be able to draw lines. "This is my work life", "this is my home life", and this what you are reading is my publicized life. I'm trying desperately to learn to separate different aspects of life b/c I'll drive myself and my family crazy other wise.

I so naturally just let things overlap and fuse together it's hard to see where my work ends sometimes. When I'm creative it consumes me, I want to do nothing but do that. Whatever it might be at the time (writing, painting, playing music) and I tend to bring the frustrations of that time with me into everything I do. If things are going well in a certain aspect of my life then everything seems ok, but if something slips and isn't just right it seems like my life comes crashing to a halt. And that's not healthy. My work life in the office should be able to go on no matter what else is falling apart. Eh, I'll get it one day. Or I'll go nuts trying.

Guestbook

My website now has a guest book up. Just so ya'll know.

Our first house

God, is good. There is no way around it. He provides abundantly, even when you don't think something is possible He'll find a way. He always does.

Today, Christopher and I signed our lease on our first house. We've never lived in a house before. We had a little apartment once, but it was really expensive and other than that we've always lived with family. But not anymore...well, not anymore after this weekend. I started painting the living room today, Christopher put up blinds for me, and hopefully Wednesday I'll finish the living room and be able to start on either the dinning room or the bed rooms.

I've chosen a nice tan color for the living room, which will compliment the couch set and carpet nicely once I'm done. As for the dinning room, I think I'm going to take the color scheme I had initially planned for the kitchen and use it there. It consists of a blue, something like a slate grey, and an off white. It looks nice together, very sharp. I'll post pictures once I get the house squared away. I've got some serious plans so don't look for pictures soon. Probably in a month or two.

Needless to say, we are both very excited. William enjoys the space already. I look forward to being able to just sit at home and not have to worry about moving cars b/c I'm blocking someone in, or worrying about if my clothes are going to end up on the basement floor b/c someone needed the washer. Christopher is looking forward to playing guitar loud at all hours of the night and possibly building a recording studio in this neat little room that is in the basement. I just want to make sure it doesn't flood first.

But, yes, God is good. I never thought we'd have the money to move into a place of our own this early in the year. And I was sure that when we finally did get a place it'd be an apartment or a trailer and we'd be paying quite a bit to be on our own. God has provided us with a house, that we don't have to share with anyone, near a park for a price that is well below what we would pay for a 2 bedroom apartment. You cannot beat that. And do you know why you can't beat that? Because God loves us and provides abundantly for us. And I'm not just talking "us" as in my family. I mean "us" as in every person that has ever lived.

Life is good. And it's getting better.

Five Iron Frenzy Tribute Album

You have just got to love Five Iron fans. Seriously, join Frenzyboard. If only to check out the "tribute album" that is in the works. "My Evil Plan to Save the World" is pretty good...so is "One Girl Army". "Gangsta's Mullet" is perfect, I just hope Coolio doesn't catch wind of the project, I remember him having and issue with an Amish Paradise.

"Spartan" is actually very beautiful. Be sure to check that one out. It's a beautiful arrangement, if the quality was a little better I'd be sending this to radio stations. Who knows, I may anyway.

"You Can't Handle This" by Professor Stephen Hawking (these kids are sick, but clever) is great."Farewell to Arms" by Ficus is insane, think music from the 50s + ska.

For a bunch of kids (kids referencing anyone on the board, a lot of this people are in their 20s.) with computer mics these recordings are pretty entertaining.

New song up, available only on my offical website

333 That's the direct link to the new song. Written on my BRAND NEW Guitar. Oh man, this thing is sexy. When I get a chance I'll take some photos and you can be all into my guitar too. But please, check the song out. I like it. And that doesn't happen often

Beliefs

So here is what I believe. I believe that what I believe matters. It helps define my character. Though I am not perfect. Though I screw up I try. I try to be honest. I try not to swear, I don't nessicarily succed, but I try. I believe that what I do matters more than what some average kid my age does. It matters more b/c I have kids. I have a husband. Every descion I make direct effects 3 people. I believe parents should be held accountable more strictly than non-parents should. I believe more should be expected of parents. I believe that what ever your religion may be, if you are a parent you should set the highest morals possible. People should look at you and want to emulate what you do. That's what children do. They want to be what their parents are, do what their parents do. Or, they will be horrified at what their parents do, and not want to be anything like them.

I am a parent. I should act like one. So should every other parent on the planet. We should be haunted by the fact that our children are watching. That fact should never escape our minds. Even if they aren't around if we are doing shady things it will effect our character and they will see the results. They will live the results of our transgretions.

post secret

postsecret.blogspot.com

Random

You know, some times I get so frustrated. I feel like I really can't talk to anybody. Granted millions of people could "stumble" upon this blog and know what's going on, but the people in my life have no idea a lot of the time. It's sad.

I know I'm not the greatest person in the world. I have a nasty temper, a sharp tounge, and I can be pretty immature at times. Believe me I know this. These are things I struggle with. I know I'm disrespectful at times, I don't mean to be my mouth just is quick to answer. It's my defense stystem. If someone antaginazes me (good lord forgive my spelling tonight. I'm not in the mood to think, I just want to type) I naturally say something sharp back, often I don't even have to think. Things just tend to flow. And most of the time what I say back is quite clever, and can cut rather deep. So people think I'm a b**ch. Am I? I don't know. Perhaps. I try to control myself, but when people just don't stop messing with me I tend to give up. I suppose that makes me kind of weak willed. I suppose I should have more self control, I should grow up and be more mature. But I'm only 21.

I'm still growing up, I'm still learning. And though I may not want to admit it verbally, I need help to do that. I don't need people breathing down my neck about how I act. I need them to stop messing with me and when I do screw up say "Hey Kristina, hold on." I don't need them saying stuff back to me and getting mad that it keeps going b/c they won't stop either. Especially since they seem to pride themselves on being wise, mature adults. If you are older than me, act it. Show me how I should be. Set an example. Sure you're human, I understand you're going to screw up from time to time but if you want me to change how I react to you...well, you're going to have to meet me half way.

Don't start with me and I won't cut you off at your knees. I know it must sound like I'm not willing to change until everyone else around me changes, but honestly I don't go looking for trouble. I try to keep my head down, but if I'm attacked I defend myself. I'm trying to change the cycle, but I need help. We'll both have days where we screw up, but that is when we especially need the other person to be a bit more patient. I'll try if you try...but I fear I shall never have the nerve to say this to you. Oh well. Maybe someday.

On art

So I'm stealing the initial idea for this post from Pedalboy's blog. Go there to read the post that started this, I'll quote one person & my reply from there, then fresh material will follow.

them: i like. however, can we really say that civilizations would "not survive" w/o art? what is "survival" anyway?

me: "can we really say that civilizations would "not survive" w/o art? what is "survival" anyway?"

Art is being creative, it is expressing yourself. If you have no outlet to express yourself are you truely living? Even mentally challenged people try to express them selves through art b/c in art they are equals. They are just expressing themselves. In art it's not kill or be killed, it's whatever makes you feel. Feel something, good or bad, feel anything.

How depressing would life be without art? How many of us wouldn't want to be here if not for art? Art is unifies us. You hear a song, whether it be in Chinese or Italian, you can pick up the emotions. You can empithize, you feel it. Art in any form helps us b/c it lets us not only express ourselves, but lets us know we are not alone.

I believe there is a reason art is so timeless. That a piece of artwork, whether it be a painting or a song or whatever, can transend language and touch us all so deeply. It's b/c in art we truely find that we aren't alone. Even artwork about feeling alone in this world shows us we're not alone b/c we can feel what the artist was feeling. And that I belive is the key. Art is transendant, it unifies us b/c none of us are alone. We were never ment to be alone. And we are never alone b/c God is with us. And I believe He gave us art to help us realize we aren't alone. Even if you don't realize that God is with you you can take comfort in knowing someone out there knows what you're feeling.

Ok, switching gears...this does relate, probably loosely, but it relates.

We were never ment to be alone, this is why it feels so wrong. It's why we long for a companion. Human beings were ment to be together, in a pair, as man and wife. But beyond that we were never ment to be disconnected from God. And that's what we are. That is why we are lonely. That's why we get depressed. That is why we get online and build relationships with people that we'll never meet, why we'll join a web forum or read a blog. Because we want to feel connected to other people.

We were also never ment to die. I believe this with all my heart. Death is wrong. It was never supposed to happen. Why would death feel so bad to us if it is natural? Because it is not natural. There is nothing natural about death. We were never ment to die, the trees were never ment to lose their leaves.

I was recently in the ER and witnessed a mother being brought in asking "Where is she? Is she ok? Is she alive?" That mother was taken down the hallway, away from where the ER actually is and taken into a room. The door shut, and the most heart wrenching screams came muffled through the door. That never should have happened. That woman never should have had to feel those pains. That child shouldn't be dead right now. It made me sick to my stomach and I longed to be home with my own children. God help that woman and her family, they are going through something I pray I never shall have to go through. I can't imagen it, I breaks my heart thinking about that family. Days later I still feel physically ill thinking about it. We were ment to live forever, with God walking amongst us. We were built for companionship, with each other and especially with God.

R&B song coming, update on the family

Lately I've been in the mood for a lot of R&B. In fact it's pretty much the only music I've listened to for about 2 weeks. I even dug out some cool old songs that I listened to in middle school. Oh those were the days. Anyway, I've had some crazy beats floating around in my head and so there is a song in the works. The drums & bass line are this really neat loop I found, I've laid down the main vocals, now I'm adding other stuff and tweeking everything. It is coming along quite nicely, I hope to finish it in about 2 weeks. I can't work on it everyday so it is taking longer to get done.

On the home front, Julianne is getting so very big. She's really quite beautiful, and she's not just beautiful b/c I'm her mom, she's beautiful b/c that's what she is. Be sure to check out the photos page at my website to see her and William.

William is getting big also. He's such an intelligent little boy. He's fond of matchbox cars and clocks. He's got a bit of a cold right now so he's not his hyper little self, but is really into being cuddled, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I expect to be hearing from the doctors soon on when we can get him evaluated for speech therapy. (His hearing is fine, but he doesn't talk much and is behind vocally. All other development is on track. I think he may just not want to talk, but to be on the safe side we're looking into speech therapy.)

Chris is doing very well too, he is enjoying the new truck a lot. It is very pretty. Have you ever heard that country song, I think it's called "Her favorite color is chrome"? That's me. I love the way it looks. It's so sexy. Anyway, check the photos page to see the truck, I should have pictures up sometime today or tomorrow at the latest.

I'm doing well, I've started working in the nursery at church again. I can't begin to explain how much I enjoy that. I missed it a lot, I hated taking a couple months off, but I had to heal from the c-section. And now that I'm back I feel great. God is good. I'm so thankful He has provided me with this outlet. I'm glad He has put the other women in the nursery to care for the babies. Someone told me recently that the nursery won't make or break a child's faith, that it doesn't matter if we talk to the kids about God, because at this age they don't really understand. While I understand what she's saying, I don't agree.

Yes, the nursery probably won't make or break a kid spirtiually, but what if that kid only hears about God at church? What happens if we don't make it a point to teach them about Christ while they are with us? Then we will have it on our souls that we didn't try to reach them. What's the point of having a nursery if you're not going to care for the children spiritually as well as physically. So, no. I don't agree. I think it is vital to talk to the kids about God. Even if it is only cute little songs and coloring pages. It helps them get started on the right track. It's all about foundations, and I want my children to have a good solid foundation in Christ, so yes the nursery being based on teaching the kids about Christ is important and isn't something that should be left out. And I want to go to heaven knowing I did what I could for the kids that were there.

Kristina Hansen.com and other stuff

Well, I've done it. I now own a domain that doesn't include the words "pest control" in it. I'm kind of excited. I've been doing this for so long on the free servers, but I want my music and photos to have a permanent home. www.kristinahansen.com I don't want my thoughts and crafts (how ever horrid they may be) to be lost. Besides my name.com is so much easier to remember than my name.tripod.com or www.geocities.com/likeachild83/

So, one and all, welcome to the age of kristinahansen.com I hope you hate it.

On a side note: I've been so blessed. I have two wonderful children, a husband who loves me even on my worst days, friends who know just what to say and when not to say anything, and best of all a God who has never left me. I am never alone, and while I may go mad at times wishing for silence I know that there is a reason everything is going on as it is. I know that the craziness that is my life has a purpose, and I can't be more happy about that fact.

An interesting thought

I recently found this posted on five iron frenzy's web forum and thought it was interesting, though I doubt it's true.

Alexander the Great was on one of his many military campaigns. As was typical, he would post sentinels around the perimiter of the camp, to report on any unusual activity (enemy incursions and the like). He was known to execute those who failed at their duties on the spot. One night, he was making the rounds and found a gaurd asleep at his post. He woke him up and said "What is your name?" and the young gaurd said "My name is Alexander." Taken aback, Alexander the Great said "Young man - change your character, or change your name."

Patience??!!!!!

Somtimes it feels as if I'm the only one who is supposed to have any patience. Sometimes, most of the time actually, it feels like the men in my life get away with anything they want b/c they are impatient. That's their hangup, one of their many problems that I shouldn't ever expect to get better. Why should a father have to take care of his daughter for an hour a day? I guess he shouldn't have to, not if it's going to interfere with him playing cards with his dad. It's crap. I'm so frustrated. There is so much going on, good night.

Refugees, statistics, and dreams

I'm currently rereading Angelina Jolie's "Notes from my travels" as well as online journels from the UNHCR. Reading the stories of refugees from around the world breaks my heart, and at the same time inspires me. It amazes me at the stregth of the human spirit, what people are able to endure and still remain hopeful and thankful. These people are more alive than most anyone I know, they have next to nothing and are thankful. I eat more for breakfast than they get to eat in an entire day, probably more than they get in two days, and they are grateful. I can't count the times I've gone into my cabinates and gotten frustrated because "there isn't anything to eat" but it's full of canned foods. Sometimes I really disgust myself.

Reading these accounts of their lives also reviels the horrid things people will do to each other. I just read about a musem in Cambodia that has photos that Pol Pot and his men took while torturing captives. The things they did horrify me, especially what they did to babies. It makes me physically ill just thinking about it. I don't want to think about it, yet at the same time I don't want to forget. I don't want to be able to forget b/c if I have to remember I'll be more likely to help. I want to learn, I believe that is the first step. How can I help if I don't understand?


Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,
he too will cry out and not be answered.

www.unhcr.ch

working on a new song

I finally found the correct chords for "Will the circle be unbroken" so expect to see the song up soon at Myspace and Purevolume. I'm really excited about this. I've loved this song for quite some time now and this should be fun. I'm not going to follow Betty Jean Robinson's version exactly, but she's been an inspiration. It really is a beautiful song. Hopefully today or tomorrow I'll be recording it. I'm also learning Death Cab for Cutie's "Title And Registration" so look for that soon...maybe. Two weeks top and I'll have at least one song done so check back.

Julianne is beautiful. I really am very blessed. I look at the kids and just sit and wonder why God loves me so much that He'd trust me with these two precious children. Even when she can't sleep because she has a belly ache and he's sticking qtips in my A drive I can't help but smile in contentment. There's nothing more beautiful than these two. I can't imagen doing anything but this. I can't imagen my life without my kids, and I really don't want to have to.

I Got You

So, just to keep whoever stumbles upon this updated. I'm toying with the idea of doing an acoustic cover of "I Got You" by James Brown. Could be interesting, I'm gonna find the tabs and see how it goes. Oh and I did make a new song recently, kind of like old school funk. Check it out at www.myspace.com/kristinahansen/

Family ties stink sometimes

You know, sometimes I really hate having family. It just seems like nobody is able to hurt you better and more effectiently than a family member. There are certain family members on both sides of the family that just frustrate me to no end, I bend over backward for them and it's not good enough. Chris bends over backwards and puts off doing things for me and still they don't appreciate it. I'd just like to take this moment to say GRRRRR.

If it isn't one person it's another, and on really great days there's two or more of them wanting something or they have a problem with us. If we don't jump right when they say jump we get our throats cut. But yes, grrr.

Late Christmas presents

I bought Chris a cd on amazon b/c I couldnt get the cd ANYWHERE else. The dumb site said it would be GUARENTEED to be here by Christmas eve. It didn't show, but it was ok b/c Chris understood things could have gotten screwed up and delayed b/c of Christmas. Here it is December 29th now and I just checked the tracking number again to see where it was at (2 days ago it arrived in Chicago so it should have been delivered anytime now) and found out they shipped it all the stinking way back to Kentucky! GRRRRRRR

Oh yea and Chris ordered in a seperate shippment my Christmas presents, which were supposed to be here by Chrstmas Eve, the website says they're in route from the local UPS location so I swear if I don't get this shippment I'm never using amazon again

[end vent]

It's been a while, babies dipers and Christmas trees

Julianne Elizabeth. Pretty name huh? You should see her, she is by far the most beautiful baby girl that has ever lived. We welcomed her to the world on the 11th this month and haven't slept since. But that's alright, I'd rather be awake with her anyway. Seriously, if you saw her you'd understand.

She has, however, wrecked one thing other than my sleep habits. She's managed to take my beautiful almost 2 year old son and turn him into a little boy. Into a big brother. Before she was born William was my baby. He felt light as a feather and fit perfectly in my arms. Now, he feels as if he has gained ten pounds, though he hasn't, and looks like a little boy. He doesn't actually look different, but my perception has definatly changed. It's really remarkable.

William has, surpringly, not showed signs of jealousy. We were kind of expecting him to have problems with me holding Julianne all the time, but he hasn't. He gives her kisses and hugs, hands me her bottles (granted he steals them from me first, but it's all in good fun) and seems genuinely interested in this being we call "Sissy"