It's funny the things we allow ourselves to get caught up in sometimes. When things seem dark it is easy to rush out and act in our own strength. I have, and still do, struggle with this a lot. This sin we puff up and call self reliance, when all it really is is pride. How often have I rushed out in a panic and gotten involved in things, or done things, that I later had to leave and repent of? Too often to count.
I was reading the book of Matthew today and as I approached the end of it I noticed that there is a common theme during Christ's trial and crucifixion that stuck out especially for me today. As Judas betrays Him Christ remains confidant. When the disciple cuts the ear off of the high priest's servant He rebukes him saying, "Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?" (Matthew 26:53) As Christ stands accused He remains silent. And even from the cross as He is mocked He says nothing to His accusers.
The thing that stuck out to me today is truly how foolish this must have looked to the Pharasees.
Likewise also the chief priests mocking him, with the scribes and elders, said, He saved others; himself he cannot save. If he be the King of Israel, let him now come down from the cross, and we will believe him. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him: for he said, I am the Son of God. (Matthew 27:41-43)
I am reminded of the Psalms. Countless times the writer spoke of being mocked, his accusers and persecutors saying the very same thing. He, like Christ, was mocked for waiting on God's timing. God will deliver in His timing for His glory, yet somehow this fact slips away from me.
How often have I read in the Psalms things like "My soul waiteth upon the Lord," or that He will lead, He will guide. He will provide for me. How often have I let the words of Psalm 23 just go over my head without it taking root in my heart?
Trust in Him and have rest for the soul. To do anything less than trust is sin. Yet even in my sin, even in my distrust those countless times God still called to me. "Wait, beloved. Trust Me, little one." And until I acknowledged my sin and repented of it, how often was His hand "heavy upon me" (Psalm 32:4)?
He is patient with me, surely I can be patient in Him. After all, He is God. He is perfect. He is fully dependable. When He says something you can be sure it will happen just as He said. So, if He says wait, why do we then distrust His Word? This is foolishness and all I can hope for is that He will "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10)