Friday, July 21, 2006

The Daily Ends

Today I have had the great displeasure of realizing just how easily it is for me to sin with my writing. Never before have I been able to have such a perspective, and quite honestly it breaks my heart. Perhaps the internet lends itself all to well to isolative hostility, after all I will probably never meet the people that read this blog or the people I interact with on message boards. And now I realize that this can be a very dangerous thing spiritually.

You know those verses that exhort us to be slow to speak and quick to listen? By nature I am exactly the opposite, and this in truth is a great struggle for me. Especially when I have resources at my fingertips that lend so well to my nature.

And while I have been seeing God work wonders in my life, consistency this is where I struggle. Yes, most of the stuff on this blog has been good and uplifting and useful (by God's grace), but some of it has been absolutely wretched as well. And it is those posts that make me realize I still have quite a ways to go with the Lord, but they also help me to realize just how far He has already brought me.

The bad posts, I hope, are few and far between and have been written less and less with time. And this latest trial has shown me that I am progressing (Despite what the enemy would have me believe) simply because it was taken down very quickly (Thanks, in part, to someone who was willing to point out my sin. Truly the verses in James about turning a brother/ sister from sin have been played out today!)

And so what does this all mean? I'm not sure just yet. I know He still has much to work on with me - and in me - and I want to be sure to give Him my attention on certain matters. So, whether this be temporary or not so temporary I've made a decision that I trust will serve all of us. This will be, until I feel the Lord release me, my final post. Lest anyone think I'm simply over reacting concerning my latest folly, I am not. I have been thinking, and praying, about this for some time now. And as much as I love to write and share my thoughts on Scripture, I just can't stand the thought of putting more error out there and dragging the name of my precious Savior though the mud.

It is on this note, a note of repentance and of joy, that I think it is fitting to end this blog. I'm sorry for the error I've put out there and the people I have hurt, but more than that I am deeply sorry because I've done these things first and foremost against God. But in this I must rejoice, and I hope that you will with me as I'm stepping forth trusting that I'm following His leading. I rejoice in knowing He loves me enough to change my heart (and my writing), and that He will continue doing so. It is a great thing to realize that He forgives us when we truly repent, and that He will wash us clean and conform us to the image of His Son a little each day...And all we have to do is be willing.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)


Rick said...

sorry - that's really sad. not so much that you've repented and found a new heart for what you might want to share or discuss. but that you no longer feel the freedom to do this in some way shape or form going forward. your words are your words - we can retract them sometimes, apologize sincerely sometimes, still put our feet in our mouths. but to stop the flow of creativity - whenever i see it, i'm sad for losing out on something that's been more holy than we possibly know.

all that said, thanks for sharing your thoughts to this point on your site. i didnt always comment, but was often stirred by your prose.

Helen said...

Is what you feel conviction or comdemnation? None of us is perfect! I too enjoy your prose and feel you are wise beyond your years. I know God will lead you!

Kristina said...

No condemnation. It's just something I'd felt like God was leading me towards, and had been going back and forth with Him on it. And if I'm going to write and tell people to be obedient then I have to be.

I appreciate your comments, and I'm glad you've enjoyed the blog. It is nice to know that this has blessed others beside myself but I do think I this is where the Lord has led, at least for the time being. I'm not going to sit around and expect Him to give me the blog back, but should He choose to do so I know it will be when I've matured in Him more, and it will be for His glory.

And Rick, don't worry about my creativity stopping. I've got two kids that need to be raised, that alone requires plenty of creativity!

Again, thanks for reading guys. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about comments. Though I expect they will die down after a few days...

Kristina said...

A final clarification, I just wanted to make it clear that my writing or not writing has nothing to do with the comments (or lack of them). I started this blog for me, then I started writing about what God was showing me, and yes for a while I got side tracked with how many hits/ comments I was getting, but the Lord showed me months ago that if I'm going to write I must write for His glory as He directs me to and for no other reason.